How to make friends in Italy and influence people

Hello Friend,

I’ve asked everyone here to send me any questions they may have about visiting Italy or anything they are curious to know about the culture or everyday life that I can answer from my experience living in Italy for nearly two decades. 

I thought I’d start sharing a few questions and my more detailed responses with you.

And just remind you to send me your questions (sicilyinsideandout@gmail.com)

Hi Rochelle,

I have been enjoying reading your posts especially the ones that discuss friendship in Italy, and wonder if I could ask you to elaborate a little. If men and women can’t be friends because men are only interested in sex, and women only compete with one another, then do women mostly not have friends? I’ve read that Italian women tend to socialise mainly within their families, but on the other hand I have read many expats describing having been warmly embraced by their new communities. 

I am about two years out from a somewhat early retirement and have been considering a move to Italy (it would be as a dual citizen), largely, to be honest, for economic considerations, but also for all of the reasons that we all love Italy. However, I would be coming alone. Like you, I’m charming and make a great dinner guest :). I’ve always found it not too hard to make friends, although my needs for a social life are probably lower than average. My expectation has been that making friends is possible but naturally will take time, but I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps I’m being a bit naive. What are your thoughts on what I could reasonably expect? 

Thanks so much for your time, D.

Hi D.

First of all, thanks so much for reading my posts; that’s made my day. I always try to be honest and thorough with everything I write.

I will write a more detailed post about friendships in Italy, how they are usually formed and how to make friends here. How exciting and quite brave you are to be retiring to Italy.

I didn’t mean to mislead you into thinking it is so difficult to make friends. I found in Sicily that there is still this traditional idea that men and women can’t be friends, but I think that’s changing a little, and perhaps in other parts of Italy, it isn’t so cut and dry. 

I’ve always found it hard to make friends simply because most friendships here are formed through going to school; here, often, people have the same people around them; they are from the same town, go to primary and middle school together, then high school and work groups, it seems all a little clicky if you know what I mean.

But I do think the best way to go is to try to connect to the local community, find your regular bar where you get coffee, go to the same stores, be friendly, be sure to join a gym or sports centre, go and see the soccer games become a Milanista, Juventino or Interista, sport is an excellent bonding method. It is always easy to start conversations; it just needs to be cultivated and fed over time before it reaps any deep friendships. But above all, you need to remember to be persistent and patient with yourself; making friends does take time.

I’ve made lovely friendships with my local baker, butcher, and grocer, and I have all their numbers. I have taught many of the local children English over the years, so I know many people through that kind of connection. There are many local associations you can join if you are interested; the local pro loco is all about volunteering to encourage tourism and will often organise great trips around the area; the Church will also have annual trips, social functions and yes, even prayer groups if you are that way inclined.

If you find yourself living in a city with a significant expat community, you can easily connect with other expats; for example, the Signonella military base outside of Catania has a substantial social network.

So you can see there are endless possibilities.

What I encourage you to do, above all, is try to dedicate time to brushing up on your Italian; I think it is vital if you want to connect with locals and become a part of the community you will be living in. 

Well, this is all I can think of for now, just off the top of my head.

I hope this helps, and please be sure to keep in touch.

Regards

Rochelle

Here is a more in depth look at how to start making new friends while living in Italy.

Making Friends in Italy: Navigating Social Dynamics as an Expat

Moving to Italy as an expat offers an exciting opportunity to immerse yourself in the country’s rich culture, cuisine, and lifestyle. However, building meaningful friendships in a new country can be challenging, especially when navigating cultural differences and language barriers.

I wanted to highlight some vital tips and strategies to follow for making friends in Italy as an expat and examine the dynamics of cross-cultural friendships and the possibility of platonic relationships between men and women in Italian society.

1. Embrace Social Opportunities

One of the best ways to make friends in Italy is to seek social opportunities and engage with the local community actively. Attend cultural events, join clubs or hobby groups, and participate in language exchange programs to meet like-minded individuals who share your interests and passions. Embrace the Italian tradition of friendliness and hospitality by accepting invitations to social gatherings, dinners, and parties, and be open to making new connections wherever you go.

2. Learn the Language

Language is vital to building meaningful relationships in Italy, so investing time and effort in learning Italian can significantly enhance your ability to connect with locals and forge friendships. Take language classes, practice conversational Italian with native speakers, and immerse yourself in the language by watching Italian movies, listening to Italian music, and reading Italian books. Speaking the local language facilitates communication and demonstrates your genuine interest in integrating into Italian society.

3. Be Genuine and Approachable

Authenticity is highly valued in Italian culture, so be yourself and let your personality shine through when meeting new people. Be friendly, approachable, and open-minded, and show genuine interest in getting to know others. Strike up conversations with locals at cafes, markets, or parks, and don’t be afraid to initiate social interactions or extend invitations for coffee or aperitivo. Building rapport and establishing common ground are essential to forming lasting friendships in Italy.

4. Understand Cultural Differences

Being aware of cultural differences and nuances in social interactions is essential when making friends in Italy. Italians value personal connections and prioritise quality over quantity in friendships, so expect relationships to develop gradually and organically over time.

Be mindful of Italian social etiquette, such as greeting people with a kiss on the cheek, using formal language with new acquaintances, and respecting personal space and boundaries.

Demonstrating cultural sensitivity and awareness can foster mutual understanding and respect in your interactions with Italians.

5. Navigate Gender Dynamics

In Italian society, the idea of platonic friendships between men and women can be complex and nuanced. While it’s not uncommon for men and women to have close friendships, societal expectations or cultural norms may influence the nature of these relationships.

Understanding and respecting these dynamics can help navigate friendships with the opposite sex in Italy. Communicate openly and honestly with your friends about your intentions and boundaries, and be mindful of any cultural sensitivities or misunderstandings that may arise.

6. Overcoming Challenges in Cross-Cultural Friendships

Building friendships between Italians and foreigners can present unique challenges, including language barriers, cultural differences, and social norms. To overcome these challenges, approach friendships with patience, empathy, and an open mind, and be willing to learn from each other’s perspectives and experiences.

Practice active listening, ask questions, and seek to understand the cultural context behind behaviours and customs. By fostering mutual respect, trust, and empathy, you can bridge the gap between cultures and forge meaningful connections with people from diverse backgrounds.

Making friends in Italy as an expat may require effort, patience, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone, but the rewards are well worth it. By embracing social opportunities, learning the language, being genuine and approachable, understanding cultural differences, navigating gender dynamics, and overcoming challenges in cross-cultural friendships, you can build meaningful connections and create a fulfilling social life in Italy. Remember that friendship knows no borders, and by fostering mutual respect, understanding, and empathy, you can forge lasting bonds with people from all walks of life in your adopted home.

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